I've Been Real All My Life, They Confuse It With Conceit

Since I will not lose, they try to help him cheat
But I will not lose, for even in defeat
There's a valuable lesson learned, so it evens it up for me…

Are you learning life's lessons? Let’s talk about the consequences of our actions. It is an undeniable fact of nature, no...physics (because nature didn’t seem tough enough, it being all willy nilly with the randomness and what-not. Physics on the other hand is nothing if not rational, and I am reaching out to your rational selves right now. And we’ll call this an explanatory digression. Don’t cha’ love it? *Don’tcha wish your blogger could digress like me? Don’tcha?* ) that each and every action causes a reaction. And most of us spend our entire lives devoted to ducking, dodging or ignoring that very reaction that we cause into being.

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit, from pole to pole
I thank whatever [God] may be
For my unconquerable soul

I’ll tell you a story ‘bout my buddy ‘Ole Tex. Now ‘Ole Tex is a good feller, the type who will give you his last, and he is smart as they come. He has a fancy degree from one of those fancy (yet second tier) state schools where one of the presidents has their library. Yep. ‘Ole Tex is smart. And like many smart people, including some of y’all reading this here blog (can you tell that I am writing with a country accent? It is for effect. I’m adding ambiance. And this is a Hee-Haw digression.) he spends much of his smart-ness looking for ways to avoid consequences. That makes ‘Ole Tex as dumb as a bull with three tits. (Okay, so I’m no good at the ‘ole timey metaphors. Sue me.)

See, a while back, ‘Ole Tex ran into the type of trouble with a lady that would garner Willie Nelson one of them thar’ Plat-teen-num albums and a headlining show at the Grand ‘Ole Oprey. The kind ‘o trouble that happens to us all from time to time – least all of us who are actually living life – the whole "she lied and broke my heart" type of trouble. So, to soothe the pain, ‘Ole Tex found himself loving another lady. And this one, she broke his heart into ever smaller pieces. So, he found another one. And this one did too. In the course of 18 months, ‘Ole Tex went from a career, a car, a home and a lady to “none of the above.”

During those same 18 months, he had his heart broken three times. By three different (yet eerily similar) women. Today he has nothing.

Yet, he has the most precious gift that God has ever given man. Failure.

Failure is our friend. Failure teaches. Its lessons remain embedded in us, long after its wounds have healed. But make no mistake, failure hurts. But it is through our failures that we grow. ‘Ole Tex allowed his failed relationship to consume him. So he replaced it. Twice. He never bothered to face the pain of his original failure. Now he hurts even more.

I have told ‘Ole Tex the same thing that I am telling you today. We must face, and endure the consequences of our failures. Therein lies the gift of failure. Therein lies the opportunity for growth and advancement.

The name of this blog is “The Fell Clutch of Circumstance.” It comes from a line in the poem, Invictus, by William Ernest Henley. The title of the poem is the Latin word for ‘victory.’

I named my musings aptly. (Sonny “Oh-so-modest”Redd.) That is where each one of us find ourselves every single day, in the fell clutch of circumstance. How we handle the situation is what makes us who we are.

In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced, nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance,
my head is bloodied, but unbowed.

We must face the consequences of our actions. If we fail, then we must embrace the consequences of our failure. So that we can learn. So that we can heal. So that we can come back stronger. Smarter. More aware. And yes…braver.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

Failing teaches us what we can endure. I have experienced bad credit, heart-break, poverty, hunger, loss and betrayal. I have stared down the barrel of a gun poised to end my life. I have been evicted, suspended, expelled, fired, over ruled, over turned, ostracized and double crossed. (Sometimes more than once. And this is an intellectual-honesty digression.)

And yet, today I find myself in a position that five years ago was unthinkable. Yes I have possessions. Yes, I drive a luxury vehicle that requires premium gas (but apparently, some of y’alls Pastor’s drive even nicer ones. This is a fore-shadowing digression.) I make more money than I ever have. More than entire households. Yes, my office overlooks the bay, and beyond that the Atlantic. But these things are not who I am, because these are but my successes. Who I am, I owe to my God and my failures. Who I am, I owe to my unwillingness to give up, and to my grand fortune to have family (because I don’t have friends, I have enemies. So if you’re with me, then that means you’re my brother. © Styles P.) who push me when I no longer want to push myself. Because when you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain.

It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.

Our failures are our greatest teachers. Yet if we do not face and endure the pain that we have earned – remember, our failures are our own – and take ownership of both the problem, and the course of action, we will do nothing but ensure more failure.

So, going forward, when failure strikes, how shall you handle it?

The first mistake people make is not acknowledging a failure. You have to take ownership of what you did wrong, or more often what you didn’t do at all. All of your failures are attributable to you. Period. End of discussion. It isn’t the fault of your parents, your teachers, your bosses or your significant other. Your failures are your own. If your relationship failed because your “SO” cheated, then you failed to see your “SO” for what they are. No matter the situation, you failed because you failed.

The next mistake that people make is that they wallow in the failure. Do not wallow. Do not bend the ear of every Tom, Dick and Harry you meet with your failure. You are not helping yourself. You are wallowing. And you will never succeed by wallowing. Hell, you can pour your entire failure into one heck of a depressing novel, sell 150 million copies around the world, because everyone can feel your pain, and go home and put a bullet in your head. Why? Because you wallowed. Don’t. Wallowing begets depression which begets more failure. Depression feeds on failure.

Want a tip on how to stop wallowing? Next time you feel yourself wallow in that depression, remind yourself of the fact that you are still breathing. As long as you are breathing you can win. It’s when you stop breathing that the game is over.

Next, set about succeeding. But with “baby steps.” You didn’t fail in an instant, and you won’t recoup in an instant. Rack up a few small victories. Build up your confidence. Measure your progress. For instance, if your failure is financial, take some baby steps. Grab one bill, just one, and make it your focus. Measure your progress. Every day, accrue another success.

Long-time readers will note that I spend little time belaboring what the white man did to us. We succeed or we fail by our own actions. You succeed and you fail by your own actions. It ain’t nobody’s fault but your own that you are here. And it won’t be because of nobody else but you that you overcome. (To those who think, “What about God?” You ever stop to think that God wants you to take some action. You know, “knock and it shall be opened?” Are y’all knocking hard enough? Sonny “if I add ‘in the name of Jesus’ here and there, maybe I can cop a Bently, too”Redd. Just wait till Thursday.)

Now, go out there and succeed.