Aren't You Sharp As A Tack!

You some type of lawyer or somethin’,
somebody important or somethin’?
Child I … passed the bar, [and] I know a little bit
Enough that you won't illegally search my shit…

I am a humanitarian. Me being the loudmouthed, argumentative know-it-all that I am, I volunteered to be a tutor for the upcoming July Bar Exam. Sonnyredd loves the kids. Because I am also altruistic, kind and loving (if not modest), I am going to give all of you, free of charge, Sonnyredd’s top ten study tips. Now these aren’t just for the Bar. I’ve used these same tips to do reasonably well on the SAT’s, LSAT’s, two state bar exams, one federal bar exam and most importantly, the Mensa admissions IQ test. (Let me say this, admission to Mensa, like pledging a fraternity, can take many forms. And like pledging, you can be paper, or you can be made. Taking the test…is getting made! Look at me, a King among nerds! And this concludes this self promotion digression.) So let me just say that these tips work. And with some tweeking, you can use these tips for any anxiety inducing situation. So, no more Freddy Adieu—



10. You know what you know. Don’t confuse yourself with crazy “what-ifs.” Don’t outthink the question. For bar takers, each sentence of a fact pattern has one fact to give, not 14. None of your questions will turn on the meaning of the word “is.”

9. Answer the question. No more, no less. Ignore anything that has nothing to do with the question. And for the love of God, don’t answer a question that isn’t there.

8. Focus on the task at hand. Baby-Momma/Daddy tripping? Fuck em. Best friend just broke up with their SO, fuck ‘em. Capital One bill late – oh well. You “SO” feeling neglected – if they don’t understand, they didn’t love you to begin with. You’ll buy another. Trust me. But for the death of a parent or a child, nothing should deter you from focusing on this test. Life comes down to but a few moments, and this is one of them. They’ll all understand. Except Capital One. But they’ll take your first check from the restaurant that you’ll be working at until the results come in.

7. Proper preparation prevents piss poor performance. (To the members of the elite eight- oh, I mean divine nine- you know the rest of that. And this is a keeping secrets digression.) Practice this thing over and over. You’ll get faster, and speed helps.

6. No one question will cause you to live or die, thus nothing on the exam is worth more than a moment’s thought. Do not dally (or for that matter, dilly.)

5. You don’t know it all. When you have that, “Oh my God, I have a deer with no eyes and no dick. I have No-fucking-eye-deer” moment, don’t panic. Just reason it out. Only 5% of life’s problems is the problem itself. The other 95% is how we handle it.

4. Be scared. Fear is one hell of a motivator, but fear the right thing. Don’t fear the exam, fear you not preparing yourself properly. Fuck the experts, anxiety is a good thing.

3. Don’t be stupid. The time before the bar is a marathon, not a sprint. Do a little more each day, and schedule time to test yourself, and see where you are.

2. Read a book and go to the movies, i.e. get a life.

1. Don’t change from what got you here. If you are a smoker, now ain’t the time to quit. I don’t care if you’re hacking up blood. You want to pass this thing, right? Caffeine? Don’t stop now. A little fat? Two more months won’t kill you.

As far as the practical side of things, take PMBR. (Me being the hustler that I am, I got mine for free. Bar-Bri too. But PMBR is king. You know what this is. A digression.) Play the percentages. The PMBR subjects will come up on your state portion. The odds are then, that if you know those core subjects, you’ll pass. Real simple. There are folks who take bars two and three times. Some of them are smart folks who have just let the thing consume them. But most of them are just folks who are never going to pass. They are the same 35-45% who don’t pass every year. And they may never pass. But I’ll tell you this much…every time I ask someone who failed if they took PMBR, almost to a man their answer is the same. No.

Damn it, I just gave a free fucking plug. I am ashamed of myself. Some hustler I am.